How Routines Help Our Children Thrive! (And How to Help Create Routines Over the Holiday Break)
Did you ever wonder why your children fall apart as soon as school is over? Or why daycare says your child is a “little angel” but all you see is tantrums at home? A lot has to do with how much children thrive when provided with routines, and it is far easier to have structure and routines in a school or daycare than at home!
Many of our parents report how difficult holiday breaks can be for them. Whereas a day without any obligations sounds like paradise to us, for children a day without routines or structure can create anxiety. Just another example of how being a parent is HARD! For adults, the idea of a day off work makes us think of hours of Netflix watching, diving into a good book, baking for hours, doing a puzzle, or spending time catching up with loved ones. For children, a day without familiar routines can feel like a long day of sameness with nothing telling them what to do and when. If you add in sensory processing disorder, executive functioning delays, a receptive/expressive language disorder, and/or cognitive differences, it can make a day out of routine even more daunting. The loss of a predictable schedule and routine can make a child’s day feel chaotic and the child may in turn become more rigid.
So what do you do as a parent when there is no school or daycare due to holidays? What can you do to support your child when their routine is completely shifted? First, talk about the change with them. Prepare them for the time off. For children who are less verbal use visual supports to help them “see the future” and plan for the time out of routine. At the clinic we love creating easy visual schedules out of printed pictures. Having a large calendar, either weekly or monthly view, with pictures to represent places your child goes or plans to go can help prepare your child ahead of time for a change in schedule or routine. We also like the app Choiceworks Calendar. This app allows the user to utilize preloaded pictures or take their own pictures. You and your child can easily view the plan for the day, the week or the month.
After preparing your child/teen for the upcoming change talk to them about what they would like to do with their time off. For older children and teens who are working on executive functioning this is a good opportunity for them to take over planning. Do they want to do some holiday baking? If so, let them do the planning. Do you have expectations for them over the break? Talk to them about that too. Provide children who are non-speaking or less verbal with social stories or simple books or videos of them doing fun activities at home in order to plan for the upcoming change in routine.
Once the holiday break begins you might consider starting each day with a planning meeting. This sounds a little crazy but the more engaged and regulated our children are, the happier and relaxed we are as parents. Using simple pictures, a white board, or even pen and paper to jot down ideas, or draw pictures about the day can do a lot to help the day feel more structured and routine. Consider adding movement to the day whenever possible. Making pillow forts, obstacle courses, or for young children doing blanket swings can help when the weather doesn’t permit outdoor activities. If the weather is nice go for a walk, make up a scavenger hunt or go for a family bike ride. Don't forget that family mealtimes, playing games together, and watching a holiday movie together can all be part of your planning and your routine. Lastly, think about how you can match some “sameness” from school routines and schedules or at least “sameness” during your daily home routines. This will help your child feel their day is more predictable and that they have more control.
For more information behind the science of routines check out these articles:
Kids with Family Routines More Emotionally, Socially Advanced