How to Cope with Toilet Training Stress and Tips for Independent Toileting

Have you been struggling with helping your child to learn how to use the potty or have you noticed that your child has a fear of home toilet or public toilets? Some children are frightened by the sensation of passing a stool due to discomfort, some are sensitive to the loud flushing noise or the bright lights in a bathroom. Others feel that they are posturally insecure and might fall into the toilet if not supported properly. All of these fears can lead to a child becoming unwilling to try to learn how to use the potty independently. 

It is important that your child has a non-fearful, anxiety free relationship with toileting routines so that it becomes easy, natural and an independent routine. Here are a few items to consider during your potty training journey: 

Difficulty sitting on the toilet?

Your child may have postural insecurities while sitting on the toilet or may not be strong enough to hold themselves up without feeling like falling into a real toilet. Potty chairs or adaptive toilet seats are a great option to start with. 

• Sit on it with clothes on 

• Place cardboard where the seat is then gradually cut a hole wider in the cardboard to emulate the shape of the toilet seat

• Is your child afraid of climbing onto the toilet? Use potty seats on the floor or on the toilet 

• Set times in routine to sit on the toilet and then sit on the toilet for a set amount of time. 

• Allow them to take a book or music or preferred object until they are comfortable sitting on the toilet for allotted time

Fear of the Flush?

Your child may have fears or anxieties about the loud, fast flushing sound of a toilet or that it might go off when they are sitting on it. 

• Make sure the toilet seat closes all the way

• Let them stand at the door while you flush then gradually let them get closer

• Do a countdown to flush 

• Let them flush the toilet throughout the day to ease apprehension - put a stop to this once they are no longer afraid of it

• Make sure that the toilet is child proof if necessary - do not block it in case they need to really go to the bathroom and cannot get to it. 

• Reward and consequence with flushing just once 

Refusal to Wipe or clean?

Wiping and cleaning completely after using the toilet needs to be a part of the routine but your child may not understand hygiene yet and the importance of it. The type of toilet paper used could be a trigger to more sensitive kiddos as well. Strength and coordination of using one hand to wipe and one to hold themselves up could play a roll. Or they could just be so ready to get back to playing that they want to skip this step all together. 

• Try using toilet paper to wipe hands with after washing hands to get used to the feel of the paper 

• Use a square to “desensitize” the feeling by rubbing it on their legs or arms once a day

• Use a doll to “clean” off and then have child practice on self

Playing with the Toilet Paper?

• Be consistent in reward/consequence with playing. 

• Have set amount of squares allowed

• Try to find individual wipes instead of rolls of toilet paper. 

Good luck! You can do it! Remember, consistency and schedule is KEY!

I am a Pediatric Physical Therapist with certifications and training in Pediatric Pelvic Floor Dysfunction. For more help with toileting, constipation, or daytime or night time wetting, reach out and schedule an appointment. - Leslie Lawson, DPT, Physical Therapist